tawa tawa muna tau...

Discussion in 'Pinoy Jokes and Humor' started by leche_gurl, Dec 6, 2004.

  1. leche_gurl ·÷±‡±|

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    A Man Escapes From Prison Where He Has Been For 15 Years. He Breaks Into A House To Look For Money And Guns And Finds A Young Couple In Bed.

    He Orders The Guy Out Of Bed And Ties Him To A Chair. While Tying The Girl To The Bed He Gets On Top Of Her, Kisses Her Neck, Then Gets Up And Goes Into The Bathroom.

    While He's In There, The Husband Tells His Wife: "listen, This Guy's An Escaped Convict, Look At His Clothes! He Probably Spent Lots Of Time In Jail And Hasn't Seen A Woman In Years. I Saw How He Kissed Your Neck. If He Wants Sex, Don't Resist, Don't Complain, Do Whatever He Tells You. Satisfy Him No Matter How Much He Nauseates You. This Guy Is Probably Very Dangerous. If He Gets Angry, He'll Kill Us. Be Strong, Honey. I Love You"

    To Which The Wife Responds: "he Wasn't Kissing My Neck. He Was Whispering In My Ear. He Told Me He Was Gay, Thought You Were Cute, And Asked If We Had Any Vaseline. I Told Him It Was In The Bathroom. Be Strong Honey. I Love You Too!!"

    :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
  2. xyz_ PFIP

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    bwhahahahahahahahaha inang ko po!
  3. leche_gurl ·÷±‡±|

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    > >WHAT SHE SAYS VS. WHAT SHE MEANS
    > >
    > >She Says: "Bahala ka na."
    > >She Means: "Pagsisihan mo ito."
    > >
    > >She Says: "Sure, go ahead."
    > >She Means: "I don't want you to."
    > >
    > >She Says: "Hindi ako galit."
    > >She Means: "Galit ako."
    > >
    > >She Says: "I just want a stable future."
    > >She Means: "I want to be rich."
    > >
    > >She Says: "Hindi ka marunong makinig."
    > >She Means: "Sumunod ka sa gusto ko."
    > >
    > >She Says: "Mahal mo ba ako?"
    > >She Means: "May ipapabili ako."
    > >
    > >She Says: "Gaano mo ako kamahal?"
    > >She Means: "May kasalanan ako sa iyo."
    > >
    > >She Says: "Mataba ba ako?"
    > >She Means: "Sabihin mo ako ang pinakamagandang babae sa balat ng
    lupa."
    > >
    > >She Says: "I'll be ready in 5 minutes."
    > >She Means: "I'll be ready in 1 hour."
    > >
    > >She Says: "Nakikinig ka ba?"
    > >She Means: "Sumunod ka na kasi sa gusto ko."
    > >
    > >She Says: "Masarap ba ang luto ko."
    > >She Means: "Instant yan."
    > >
    > >She Says: "Magsine tayo sa SM."
    > >She Means: "Magsha-shopping ako."
    > >
    > >She Says: "Simple lang ang gusto ko sa buhay."
    > >She Means: "Alahas, kotse, mansion sa Alabang.."
    > >
    > >IN ANSWER TO THE QUESTION:
    > >"MAY GINAWA BA AKO?" FROM THE BOYFRIEND.
    > >
    > >She Says: "Wala."
    > >She Means: "Marami."
    > >
    > >She Says: "Ayokong pag-usapan."
    > >She Means: "Bumubuwelo pa ako."
    > >
    > >She Says: "Wala talaga."
    > >She Means: "Hayup ka!"
    > >
    > >She Says: "Wala. Talagang-talaga."
    > >She Means: "Gusto ko nang mag-break."
    > >
    > >WHAT HE SAYS VS. WHAT HE MEANS
    > >
    > >He Says: "Gutom ako."
    > >He Means: "Gutom ako."
    > >
    > >He Says: "Inaantok ako."
    > >He Means: "Inaantok ako."
    > >
    > >He Says: "Pagod ako."
    > >He Means: "Pagod ako."
    > >
    > >He Says: "Gusto mo bang kumain?"
    > >He Means: "Gusto kong kumain."
    > >
    > >He Says: "Talagang gusto mo ang sineng ito?"
    > >He Means: "Ang corny."
    > >
    > >He Says: "What's wrong?"
    > >He Means: "Hay naku, heto na naman tayo."
    > >
    > >He Says: "OK naman ang haircut mo."
    > >He Means: "Ngiiii!!"
    > >
    > >He Says: "May nasabi ba ako?"
    > >He Means: "Tama na nga iyan."
    > >
    > >He Says: "Mag-usap tayo."
    > >He Means: "Makinig ka. Magsasalita ako."
    > >
    > >WHILE SHOPPING
    > >
    > >He Says: "Hindi bagay sa iyo."
    > >He Means: "Masyadong mahal."
    > >
    > >He Says: "Maganda iyan."
    > >He Means: "Mura."
    > >
    > >He Says: "Bagay na bagay sa iyo. Bilhin mo."
    > >He Means: "Gusto ko nang umuwi."
    __________________
  4. shena your worst nightmare

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    yah right!!hehe!!
  5. xyz_ PFIP

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    bwehehehehe.. babae nga naman..
  6. slash&hack Even cats loses patience.. lolx..

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    Ang mga pasaway nga naman!.. :)
  7. leche_gurl ·÷±‡±|

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    englesh to tagalug...

    1. Contemplate - not enough pinggan.
    2. Punctuation - pera para maka enrol
    3. Ice Buko - Is my hair ok?
    4. Tenacious - footwear for tennis
    5. Calculator - tawagan kita mamaya
    6. Devastation - sakayan ng bus
    7. Masturbation - malawakang gutom
    8. Protestant - tindahan ng Prutas
    9. Statue - Ikaw ba yan?
    10. Predicate - pakawalan mo ang pusa
    11. Dedicate - pinatay ang pusa
    12. Aspect - pantusok o pandurog ng yelo
    13. Deduct - ang pato
    14. Defeat - ang paa (ng pato?)
    15. Detail - ang buntot (ng pato?)
    16. Deposit - gripo (call Diploma if Deposit is leaking)
    17. City - bago mag utso. d' # that follows 6
    18. Cattle - doon nakatira ang Hali at Leyna
    19. Persuading - unang kasal
    20. Depress - ang nagkasal sa Persuading
    21. Shampoo - bago mag labing-isa
    22. Delivery - walang bayad (Kapag nag punta kayo
    ng friend mo sa Restaurant at siya ang nag bayad
    Delivery)
    23. Profit - patunayan mo
    24. Beehive - magpakatino ka.
    25. CD-ROM - tingnan mo ang kwarto
  8. leche_gurl ·÷±‡±|

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    > >GANITO KA RIN BA MAG-ENGLISH?
    > >
    > > >TO WHOEVER GETS TO UNDERSTAND THIS LETTER,
    > > >CONGRATULATIONS!!..
    > > >
    > > >The following is a letter found at a certain bar
    in
    > > >Manila and has been preserved in its original,
    > > >unedited form. Enjoy reading and you may
    > > >try direct translation in Tagalog. Pls read with
    > > >feelings...
    > > >
    > > >********************
    > > >October 1996
    > > >
    > > >To Marjie,
    > > >I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave you.
    > >Why?
    > > >What reason you can think about but you're very
    fat
    > > >body. I thought before that Dennis only use me to
    his
    > > >toy but sooner and later I'm realize that he
    really
    > > >can't not beared or stomached to be with you
    anymore
    > > >because at first, Dennis say he could not stand
    > >you're
    > > >habit of making pakialam all his walks [lakad]
    and
    > > >always calling to their house what he go home or
    this
    > > >or that.
    > > >
    > > >And then he say he get ashame to met iether in
    school
    > > >or in his family and then asking you to exercise
    > > >you're very very, very fat body. But you hate it.
    > > >Thoughth your the most preetiest girls he knows
    > >about.
    > > >What do you think you are "Beautiful Girl" of
    Jose
    > > >Marie Chan?
    > > >
    > > >Even you are beautiful face (to your think) you
    do
    > >not
    > > >have the right to called me whatsoever or else
    > > >different name one time or the other for the real
    > > >purposed to insults my personality because I'm
    never
    > > >call you names iether in the front of Dennis or
    in
    > >the
    > > >backs of Dennis, but if you start already to
    calling
    > > >me different name, I don't have any other choice
    > > >but to call you other different name to. Like you
    are
    > > >a PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT, AND UGLY SHAPE
    girl.
    > > >Shame to you're body that is to a BUDING.
    > > >
    > > >You can't not blame Dennis for exchanging you to
    me
    > > >because I am the more sexier than you when you
    look
    > >to
    > > >us in the mirror.
    > > >
    > > >I'm repeat again that you are like Ike Lozada
    when
    > >she
    > > >is a girl.
    > > >Love,
    > > >The Sexiest Girl of D.M.
    > > >
    > > >P.S. You say that I'm the bad breathe but who is
    > > >Dennis want to kissed. Me or you? You or me? And
    the
    > > >final is me. There you go.

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